I just finished watching the movie Run Fat Boy Run. It’s very good, like movies should be. Funny. Movies that make you feel good about the world when they end. Nice endings, where the lovable character get the girl etc. etc.
What’s so important about this movie to warrant writing about it?
Spin Classes.
In the movie he goes to a spin class. What’s a Spin Class? Well, if you’re like me, your first thought would be break dancing. Hip Hop, Swing, The Cha Cha, whatever. If you’re like me, you are wrong. Dead wrong.
It’s exercise bikes. Special ones, that play motivating music.
I know, what the hell? Who needs to pay for a class, when you could just don your IPod and ride any old stationary bike?
It’s gets better.
You also have a coach. The coach is egging you on, “Come on! Just a little further!” You have stationary racers to either side of you! “You can do this!” yells the coach.
You can’t let them win! This is exciting, you and all the other stationary racers, locked head to head. It’s beautiful, god damned beautiful!
Coach is up front, letting you all know the imaginary things you’re experiencing. Trees, the breeze, the sun on your face, those little mints that the housekeepers leave on your pillow.
Who needs fresh air? Give me an exercise bike, some Techno music, and a pretend sandwich. The world is my oyster.
Went out exploring around my house. I was so very excited to see there is a Salvation Army in my neighborhood.
It was awkward when I went in. They asked if I was there for the “Youth Outreach Program.”
“No, just browsing” I said.
Then they asked if I would like to attend one of their services that would be starting any minute.
I replied “Isn’t this a thrift store?”
“No, no, this is a place of worship.” She told me, her eyes all full-up with Jesus.
“Oh my…” You see, I’m not a religious man, it’s very awkward for me when I accidentally walk right into the lions den.
It was like they had ESP. Random people moved to block the exits in the name of Fellowship. It was like a bad episode of Intervention.
I tried to act as polite as possible, as I’m looking for the exit signs.
They knew what I was trying to do. Bullets of sweat were running into my eyes, and they knew they could convert me through pressure. I’m weak, sure I’m an atheist, but by golly, I’ll convert to anything to avoid having to talk about it!
However, In the end I prevailed. The bells rang, and they invited me into the service. I said, “I’d love to join you,” and ran as fast as I could out the way I came in.
Born sometime in the Spring of 2008. Missing in action Fall 2008.
Beaktard, age 8 months, returned home to her Heavenly Father sometime this fall (no one was really paying attention) After a two week battle with letting herself out of the gate. Beaktard was diagnosed with a genetic condition called Beak Retardedness. Beak Retardedness is a condition that emerges within 4 weeks of life that affects the alignment of the beak. This made it very difficult for her to eat. Her bottom beak stuck way out to the left and was always full of dirt, while her top beak was making the scoop a de scoop to the right. Her tongue stuck out the center like a little antenna .
Sara euphemistically named her Deliverance quoting “You got a purdy mouth boy,” this is a famous line from the 1972 movie Deliverance. Below is a clip from the movie. Watch, and remember.
Many believed beaktard would not survive, and suggested we put her out of her misery. She did survive… till she went and got her self killed by wandering too far from The Chicken Village.
She was born this spring in an incubator with many other motherless chicks, and sold to us by a local IFA Store.
Beaktard was a faithful member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, advancing in the ranks of the priesthood, serving as Deacon, Teacher, Priest, Elder, Seventy, Apostle, and Prophet. She also served a two month mission to Africa the country. She went to college at Brigham Young University and died an old maid.
Beaktard’s biggest dream was to eventually marry in the Salt Lake City Temple. She never got the chance.
Beaktard also never got the chance to cook up any eggs for us, but she had a good life. She adopted two rabbits.
Beaktard was an extremely strong, patient, kind, and friendly chicken who worked hard to win over the affection of the humans who would have otherwise eaten her. She loved her Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ and was totally devoted to them. She loved the gospel of Jesus Christ, and enjoyed her job as Chicken.
Beaktard is survived by her two known living sisters, Larca, and Egglantine. She was proud that she was a chicken even when she had to eat with the side of her head flat against the pavement.
She vanished, but until then she was surrounded by loved ones, who kept tossing her back over the fence.
A memorial service will be held at the Church of Brunch on Sunday November 16th at 11:00 am
Friends and family are invited to offer condolences by e-mailing zach@zachmoses.com. Or by giving us money.
I just watched this movie. It was very good, until the end when the bad guys won. What ever happened to the good old days when goodness always prevailed? My Dad used to tell me about those days.
Movies are meant to be an escape. Who’s damn fool idea was it to start making movies reflect reality?
Yes, beautiful movie. Well written. Except for the end. I want every movie to leave me with smiles. I don’t want to feel like there is badness in the world after I watch I movie.
If I wanted to feel like the world was a less than perfect place, I would have rented a porno… not that redbox has any.
WOW! We have a black president… can we call him a black president, or is that racist? My understanding is that in order to be accepting of all races, one must recognize Halle Berry, as a beautiful woman, not a beautiful black woman. Etc. Etc.
So in order to give Barack our respect we need to refer to him only as “The President.” It’s valid to think about, no one refers to Georgie Boy as a “White President”… Though we do refer to him as a “Terrible President.” Which is another issue entirely.
Now, while “Terrible” would be the most obvious descriptor of George W., Bush, I certainly hope Barack Obama has better descriptors of him than just how white he isn’t.
We elected a man to office. He’s a fantastic Orator. Hopefully, the world sees that we the American people want change. He raised a hell of a lot of money from regular folks like you and me. Republicans accused him of being a Socialist. God, if only! Let’s just *pray he’s a Socialist. I need to get some dental work done.
I admit I don’t know what will happen, the man has a hell of a mandate with how many electoral votes he pulled. Even though my guys Nader and Gonzalez didn’t win, I’ll throw my support behind Obama, and hope the change is for the best.
*note: I do not actually think praying solves anything.
As the Zach stood high atop the hill, listening to them singing. Singing about floosling, flapbabbling and winging some say he laughed so hard his kidney’s and bladder grew three sizes that day.
A few weeks ago my friend’s wife was complaining about her horrible dry skin. I suggested that she shower less. She gave me one of those long eye rolls reminding me just how pathetic she thinks I am.
“Seriously!” I said. I used to have horrible dry skin and eczema, and my dermatologist suggested that I only use soap on necessary places on a daily basis, but to keep the whole body soap down to once a week.
“Necessary places?” She inquired.
“Yeah, Like on a daily basis I only wash my genitals, butt crack, arm pits and face.”
Her husband sort of starred at me a moment then said “… um… in that order?”
… I have since changed my personal hygiene routine.
Recent news has shown that Americans are more tired and worn out then ever. We hit the snooze, skip on sleep, watch too many addictive television shows. We need more sleep, or naps to make up for the productivity loss. Many countries such as Spain, or Spanish influenced countries take naps everyday during Siesta.
I just came across the name of a very important person in the world of napping. Her name is Dr. Sara C. Mednick. She runs a company called Take a Nap LLC.
Sara has figured out and become an expert at something very useful. Napping. She’s even considered to be one of the countries leading experts. We could even call her the Doctor of Napping. By all accounts she’s a national treasure.
She has studied, and enlightened herself for countless years into the ins’ and outs’ of how to take a nap. Power naps, long naps, short naps, cat naps, blue fish.
Now you can consult her company, like many others like Google already have, and she will come and tell you how to take a nap. Maybe you could even sleep in the cool nap pod!
Oh my god! I just realized… my toddler Archimedes takes a nap every day at 2:30! Thats prime siesta time! My son is Brilliant! It took other people a decade of school to figure this shit out, or boat loads of money. Archimedes does it everyday as if it were second nature! Perhaps Archimedes is a child prodigy. Perhaps he will be the next Doctor of Napping. I knew he was amazing, I just knew it!
Yesterday I told you all about one of the hardest things ever.
Today It is the hardest thing ever.
By far fatherhood has been the hardest thing I have ever done. At times I say to myself “My god what was I thinking?”
Then there are bright moments like these, and I know it was all worth it. At times like these, I realize that becoming a father, while being the hardest thing ever, is by FAR the best thing ever.
This is a photo of Archimedes right before he head butts our retarded chicken BeakTard.
I spent the last two weeks very sick. More sick then I have been at any other point in my adult life. I kept asking myself why I could possibly become so sick. Well besides the obvious reasons like, staying up till 3:00 a.m. then riding my scooter from Lehi to Salt Lake City (40 miles) in arctic weather. I suppose you’d need to also count the filling in for Sara at work the next morning (all day starting at 6:00 a.m.) and you’d have to include the staying out late yet another night to go to the Great Big Sea concert in Murray. You may also have to consider that the concert was filled with smoke and I was jumping around like an idiot in said smoke.
However, I generally consider myself invincible. I eat healthy. I don’t eat sugar, I consume a huge variety of fresh foods. I make everything from scratch (right down to cheese!)
I’m active, healthy body weight, blah blah blah. I still got sick.
So, Sara has been trying to talk some sense into me. Telling me things like that I am not invincible, and that I’ve just gotten away with stupid things become I am in my twenties.
I responded with something to the effect of “No, I’m like Superman. What I was sick with for the last two weeks would have killed any normal human being. Me? I made it through, I cannot be defeated.” Deep down though, I know this isn’t true, thats why I eat so healthy.
Admittedly I need to make more life changes, because I can’t live forever if I can still fall ill.
Hence I went in for the massage yesterday. Honestly, I actually feel grand this morning, I had expected after the massage to feel awful today.
My new thing is Yoga and Meditation. Sara and are are trying to do Yoga everyday after she gets home from work; while Archimedes is still out cold from afternoon nap. We haven’t been as committed as we’ve been hoping, but we’re working on it. I’ve also been trying the Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT. It’s like acupuncture only instead of using needles you tap on certain nerve points and say things like “Even though I am falling to pieces I deeply and completely accept myself”… okay I know it sounds a little, well, retarded, but It really works! You can try it for free at Tapping.com besides, this guy with two first names, Gary Craig, came up with it, and he’s a doctor so you all have to take me seriously on this one because doctors always know everything.
I just watched this movie. It was very good, until the end when the bad guys won. What ever happened to the good old days when goodness always prevailed? My Dad used to tell me about those days.
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