I saw an article for reducing belly fat, that I was compelled to read for reasons I don’t quite understand.

In the article, “the Lisa” gives us a lecture about how fat women aren’t lazy, they’re too busy. Life makes them fat, not laziness. Here is the direct quote from the site: “Who wants to come home after a full day of work, put kids to sleep, and jump straight on the treadmill? Not me, that’s for sure. And it has nothing to do with laziness.”

Not me, that’s for sure? Oh I think that has everything to do with laziness!

Now she’s come up with her own new diet. It requires no physical activity whatsoever ! Using a combination of Acai berries and colon cleanses.

She got the Idea from Dr. Oz on the Oprah Show.

“Dr. Oz explained how Acai helps you lose weight by reducing hunger and raising energy levels.”

Wow, did you hear that? Eating a berry can actually reduce hunger and raise energy! This is new, if only we could eat other things to reduce hunger and raise energy. None of us would be fat! I don’t understand how reducing hunger and raising energy levels would help you lose weight, but if it was said on TV it has to be true.

Maybe we could eat donuts too! They reduce hunger and raise energy as well. Oh and French Fries! Bratwursts! Oh thank god for Dr. Oz! All these years, if only all the fat people out there, had just known that the secret to weight loss was to eat things that reduce hunger and raise energy levels. I’m going out right now to binge on bread.

In case anyone missed the sarcasm, this doesn’t make any sense. You don’t lose weight by eating things that reduce hunger and increase energy. The only food that doesn’t reduce hunger is Chinese Food.

Since this doesn’t work, the second part of the diet is a colon cleanse, or in other words a Laxative. Eat all the berries you want, this will reduce your hunger, then take a laxative so you can shit them out before you get a chance to gain weight! Brilliant, it’s like bulimia, only you’re puking out your ass. Thank you Oprah! You help us so much.

While we’re on the topic of terrible diets, here’s a new one I’ve come up with. Drink nothing but energy drinks, eat nothing but styrophoam packing peanuts. The styrophoam packing peanuts will reduce hunger, while the Redbulls give you an energy shock. You won’t gain any weight because you’ll be dead, and you’ll be the envy of all your friends in your Mahogany coffin.

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 4th, 2008 at 6:00 am and is filed under Blogs, Personal Favorites, Preaching, health, humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.